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another year as me

by Sarena Steeber

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1.
dermis 01:47
i want to press my fingers into the ridges of yr scars into the darkest parts of yr skin i'd pull out everything black and ugly maybe yr nothing like me but that couldn't keep me away i knew that i'd find depth in you i'd find out bad things about you
2.
conjure 01:18
august nights spent alone in my apartment wishing i could be out with you you're in the night air you are in the stars you are in the smoke passing out of my window wherever you really are doesn't matter when i conjure up your memory
3.
all I wanted 02:43
if i could write you a song about how i feel would you learn the words ? would you sing along with me? we could start a band you could teach me how to play but i'd never be that good anyway all i ever wanted to do is spend time with you in your room you are a dreamer and i want you to teach me how to dream because sometimes i see so black and white it's hard to enjoy anything all i ever wanted to do is spend time with you in your room if i could see the world would you come along with me? i could teach you how to read a map and we could go anywhere but i know i'd get homesick anyway all i ever wanted to do is be alone with you if i could change the way you see me would you finally understand how my heart breaks when you won't even let me be your friend all i ever wanted to do is be alone with you in your room if i could find you after all this time would you open your door and let me inside all i ever wanted to do is spend time with you
4.
fabric 01:42
i want to put myself into the folds of yr fabric into a maze of paisley and red i want to admire the alcoves of yr heart i won't leave until i've breathed in everything about you yr softest places taunt me yr sharpest cliffs haunt me but i'm not through just yet not until i know all the things i shouldn't if you chase me away if you hold up your hands i won't have any place else to go
5.
knots 00:56
twisting my stomach into knots whenever you're too close each time we bump elbows my words get caught really its that i like you a little too much because every look you pass me is like a punch to the gut
6.
friend 01:39
every vision i had of the months to come featured you with me building something new and learning to grow up but now i've lost you you're static on the radio or fingerprints on the window and you've replaced me with something i could never give you but it's fine i guess after all you're just my friend you're just my friend
7.
close enough 01:40
loneliness takes many shapes but i always seem to see your face and i'm tired of wishing for something i can't have sadness is trying to forget and i'm tired of waiting for you for any sign or clue i guess part of me will always belong to you i guess part of me will always want all of you and i don't know if that's love but it must be close it must be close happiness sometimes seems so far as far away as you
8.
too tired 02:12
thought about resting on yr shoulder in the dark but i couldn't lift my head up thought about telling you that night but i couldn't move my lips (and you had to leave) thought about holding your hand but my arms fell asleep i'm always so tired when you're around i might as well fall asleep
9.
storage 01:39
store my heart in a cool, dry place i don't need it now and in case you ever want it i'll write your name on the box i don't want to go driving with you, anymore i really don't want to do anything anymore i guess you won't see much of me now i don't think you'll mind, somehow bye, friend i am putting myself into storage because i don't get much use
10.
day trip 00:52
seeing you again was better than every dream i've had about it but now i think i'm finally over it there are other things to do and other heartbreaks to have but it was really nice to catch up again there's nothing like seeing an old friend but in case we don't meet again i want you to know every lonely night i had was for you
11.
when i say i'm content you know i'm lying it's a false statement but at least i'm trying false like your lavender marriage i can tell how you feel when i look into your eyes it's no surprise/it's not surprising that hollowed out place in your chest is meant for me and i keep a place here for you, too but each day i wait feels like a great mistake and the pain within that hollow place just grows and grows but what do i know about love just what i've seen in black and white some distorted version of it all and sometimes i think it'd just be easier to call up anyone and go out and lose it all than wait any longer for your heart to locate that hollow place and validate me validate me
12.
autumn 01:38
every orange leaf that crunches beneath my feet is just a noisy reminder of the autumn that i loved you when the sidewalks were damp i would wear the brown sweater i got for 50 cents the smell of burning wood drifted in forty degree air and the grass turned into the brown shade of your hair in the autumn that i loved you school wasn't so bad i read a lot of poetry and when i wrote it was about you in the autumn that i loved you
13.
long time 01:48
i know it's been a long time since i saw you last when i moved i didn't expect to hear from you again i know it's been a long time your eyes have haunted my mind since the night i left if i had my way i guess someday i'd go back i know it's been a long time since we spoke last if you said hello again i'd say hello back i know it's been a long time and if i could try again i'd tell you what i should that i love your way of blowing me off
14.
porch light 01:57
you stood by my front door while the porch light wrapped a halo around you i didn't want you to leave if you could see yourself the way i saw you that night you'd understand i'm trying to find you i hold a spyglass up to things you've said if you'd match my eyes just one second longer maybe i could figure out what's going on inside your head i know what i want for the first time, ever its to see you wear that halo forever if you'd let my palm touch yours you'd feel your own softness against my closeness we'd never have to close our eyes again because the light on my porch is blinding
15.
t.v. 01:52
mumbling thoughts in the dark with the tv on with the tv on mute i could love someone like you i could love someone like you but would you want me to would you want me to

about

some old songs, some new songs, some songs written about seeing a beautiful sunrise but not wanting to get out of bed, some songs written about loss

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released December 23, 2015

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Sarena Steeber Fort Wayne, Indiana

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